It’s been a long time since my last entrance. Now I am back home on the Sunshine Coast in Australia, and since my daughter asked me if I was going to go through a mid-life crisis I decided maybe this time it was time to sit down and reflect on my life so far to be able to answer a more important question –well, important enough to me at least: What next?
After having to leave London in a hurry –and in case you are wondering, no, I did not kill anyone and did not do anything illegal- and with the Qantas saga I was left broke -as per usual Inner Me begun whispering… Shut up Inner Me, I will get everything under control as I always do!
Though I must admit, I am quite pissed off because absolutely nothing went according to plan -as yes, I actually had a plan this time around! Sadly I did not account for all the unexpected that happened within a few weeks and forced me to follow an unplanned path. I did not have much time to even think and plan those latest events that turned my life around. I have worked 7 days a week for almost the past 6 months and I had barely anything left in my bank account. Of course I have lent money which it looks like I will never see again -that’s what happens when you trust people! -You will never learn, Pris… Inner Me laughing at me again!
In the meantime, a friend sent me a message through Facebook which also forced me to think a bit more: “I wonder what your job is to make you travel all over the world! It seems so cool!” Well, I am not exactly traveling all around the world but I certainly go places… And no job is actually taking me overseas. I am always acting on impulses. For instance, as I’ve always wanted to go to the USA, when I got the opportunity to go there (on a date! Inner Me likes to add), I just found a way to get the money to pay for the ticket and there I went! Blogging in my spare time did help financially, but not enough to completely support me and that’s basically the reason why I got a few different jobs in the past few years.
Reflection is indeed needed. I am not getting any younger, even though I still feel and act like I am in my… say, late teen years, which makes it a little bit hard for some people to figure out my age. First, I don’t understand why people, not just men, have to ask your age! I mean does it really matter how old you are? But if you think I am 32, that’s fine by me! The funniest one which always makes me smile even though it gives my age away is when I mention my children… “You, a mother?!” is the basic reaction I often get for some weird reasons. And when I say they are teenagers, you should see the look on their face! Yep, their father would not be able to pull that one! Oops, sorry! I did not mean to be mean, ha-ha, I guess it was my Inner Me surfacing again…
The father of my children… that is another reason to think about my future. There are lots of reasons why we are divorced and why we just get along for the kid’s sake and because we are polite human beings after all. We also know there is no point of talking to each other much, as we just do not agree on most things, so best to leave it at rest. I was talking to his roommate, Little J, the other day: “See, this is one of the many reasons we are divorced!” pointing at the plates and glasses and empty tea bags left unclean all around the kitchen! -Come on, the rubbish bin is just under where you left your tea bags, how more lazy do you wanna be mate?! I just have this fascination about trying to understand why people can’t clean up after themselves, and just keep expecting others to do it for them!
When I was his wife, I just had to do it, I believed I had no choice and it was part of the housewife’s job description! But when I lived with another man who would not dare doing this sort of things (or if he would, he would actually ask me if I did not mind cleaning up his plate or whatever as he had something more “important to do” or “just did not feel like doing it”). And that never occurred more than occasionally! And it might sound a petty thing to say but trust me, after 10 years, you would be pissed off too! Unless you enjoy cleaning after everybody else, of course, or you have absolutely nothing else to do! In my eyes it is a mark of disrespect. Besides, it is not a good example for the kids either, who are following in the same path. And the thing is, if you don’t do it yourself, you can’t possibly ask and expect your children to do it too unfortunately -unless you use a lame excuse like “you don’t want to be like me”, but that would extremely lame!
But when I see my ex-husband, I can’t help but feeling sorry for him, then I feel sorry for myself and it makes me realize I don’t want to be like him not that we are anything alike. And for once I’ll allow my Inner Me to interrupt because she says: “Stop talking about the past already. It is really time to figure out the “what next” issue”. And I guess for once she’s absolutely right.
Have you ever experienced such a parenthesis in your life? Is it a mid-life crisis as my daughter said, or do we all experience this kind of dilemmas from time to time, no matter our age?