All children, from an early age, develop obsessions. Little girls hang onto one favorite doll. Little boys may have a Superman or Spiderman toy that has to go everywhere with them.
Some toys are even common between the sexes; you will occasionally see a girl or a boy who won’t let go of Big Bird until they fall asleep. It is interesting that some will push this obsession to puzzling degrees: a sick looking, threadbare baby blanket could make the difference between whether the household gets any sleep or not.
I have a boy. We do what the doctor (and old wives) recommends. At a certain hour of the day, we take off his shorts and his diapers and let the little boy roam free for some airing. Apparently, it helps them to get potty trained faster I have not seen it happen though. Anyway, I digress. The little boy is confident to wander around bare bottomed (I do not have to say bare-what-else, do I?), and seems in fact, really happy. He drops his cares. Nothing is bad anymore. The world is good. His brother and sisters are good and mommy is his best friend. He will eat his food and drink his milk without spraying. This bliss can go on for hours, until the dog shows up.
I could not figure it at first. When the dog shows up when his pant are on, everything securely tucked away, it is fine. He will even get a pat or a pinch, depending on the mood. But when the dog shows up when my boy has no pants on, all hell breaks loose. It took me a while to understand what his fear was. I watched him as the dog turned the corner and came towards him, docile and ready for the pat/pinch. He screamed and lunged with both hands to cover his privates. That was his fear: that the dog might just decide to take off with them!
I decided to look it up on the internet and the only thing I could find was the attached video. That is when it dawned on me that surely, men have obsessions and these obsessions are deep they come with fear of loss. Loss of the object(s) would mean an end to life.
I had to test this theory. So I casually approached several male friends, and after striking up a casual conversation about the weather/politics/your boring job/your nuts wife, I said: Can I ask you a question? Now, most of my friends know me, and if you know me, you will give a guarded Yeeeaaahhhâ to that.
So I went ahead and asked: If I was to give you an option to cut off your foot or your genitals, which would you take? It did not take much thinking about; I had my answer in about half a second: My foot of course.
I am realistic about life, so I went ahead and asked again: What if I said to kill you or cut off your genitals? Well, this one took maybe 2 seconds to think about, but the answer was: Kill me. Several friends later, it was a confirmed theory.
Please kill me but leave my delicates intact.
No test is scientifically complete unless you look at both sides of things. About 5 female friends said they would sooner part with their delicates than die or lose a foot for that matter.
You do not have to believe me; go ahead and do the same experiment yourself. You will be shocked at how obsessed men are with their precious possessions. From observing my son, I conclude of course that it is wired in the DNA how would he otherwise know to shield them when so young?
If you want to make this very interesting (maybe start a little interesting argument) with your husband or boyfriend, ask them the same question. In fact, ask them to list the things they can not live without. You will be surprised. You are sitting right in front of them, so you will likely be first on the list (not if you were not within earshot). Then will come their car, maybe their golf kit/train set that annoys you to death or some such other immaterial thing. They may not list more than 5 (do not insist; now you are beginning to stress them). They WILL NOT mention the delicates. Wait till they are quite done, and then ask them if they can live life if someone had to chop off the precious trio. Watch their expression change. They may say otherwise, but I hope you took enough time to watch that expression to know exactly what the answer is. Then come and tell us about it on this blog I want to be sure that my theory is sound!