Love, Communication, Trust… Which of the big three of happy relationships is more important?
What’s the true importance of communication? Can love actually hold by itself a happy relationship? And just how important is to trust the other person? No one can deny that a truly happy relationship takes a little bit of everything. Love, communications and trust, they need to coexist.
Or do they?
At first many people would agree with the Beatles when they sing “All you need is love”. But this idea doesn’t resist a second thought. Can you love without trust? Or even better, can such love last? And what if you love, but you don’t communicate your feelings? That doesn’t seem a healthy relationship but silent suffering instead!
In fact, once we actually think it through, it even seems that love would be, not the most, but the least important when it comes to relationships. It is the most fragile feeling, destined to vanish in time. A great example are those old couples that, after decades together, can’t properly describe their mutual feelings as love, but they trust each other, they have a great communication, and they still enjoy spending time together. Even when romantic love is definitely gone, they can still share feelings such as friendship and tenderness. And that makes a good, healthy relationship that will probably last “till death do us part”. Even so… would we voluntarily choose a relationship without love? I don’t think so…
Trust, on the other hand, may be considered as important as communication. How to maintain a couple together when both of them communicate, but neither of them trust a single word that the other one says? Communication and trust, actually, come together: in order to trust someone, you must first get to know him or her. And, in order to know anyone, they must communicate first. Lack of trust, as lack of communication, end up by killing love.
Ok, some may say to my defense of communication: how about those couples that know each other like the palm of their hand, trust in each other but hardly ever say a word? To this I may answer: who said that words are necessary to communicate? Actually, according to linguists, only 10% of our human communication is verbal: we communicate 40% of the meaning with voice intonation, and an amazing 50% with our body language. No wonder we so often miscommunicate by text messages or e-mails.
So in the end, it may seem that love is great, but unnecessary for a steady relationship. Strong and solid friendships are more likely to last in time, and trust and communication play a much bigger part than love on them. On the other hand, it is hard to conceive a happy relationship without trust or communication. We need to trust the person we share our life with. And communication, even if non verbal, plays a huge part on any relationship. It is through a good communication, in fact, that we can build mutual trust. Communication comes first, then trust, and then love, eventually.