August 1

7 comments

Second date: 3 mistakes to avoid

By Prisqua

August 1, 2008

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I met this guy through RSVP.  He emailed me and started to chat through msn. We hit it off straight away. He was handsome, tall, athletic, an interesting job, a child, did not want anymore children, lots in common… just perfect or so it seems!

Finally I had a date! Yay!

First mistake: before we even set a date I had told him that I would never move from the Sunshine Coast.

We were used to chat and texting everyday until a few  days before the date, I did not hear from him at all.  I actually got worried because of the nature his job and thought that something might have happened to him.

When I finally got hold of him, he apologised and said that he would rather date somebody who lived closer and chose to go on another date but we could stay friend. there was a distance of about 2hrs drive between us…

Fair enough. Let’s move on.  Never heard from him after that. Until one day he said hello on msn.  Then he asked me if he could tell me about his date.  So I listened.  His date got drunk at the restaurant then she wanted to go to a strip club and once there started to bite him….and he said he had still the bruises…. I was so laughing…. then they took a cab and she gave her address.  She fell asleep in the cab and when they arrived at their destination she woke up asking what he was doing here and that she was living with her parents…. And I was still laughing… and I told him how funny that was… and I said to him: that’s karma for you… we were supposed to go on a date and you chose not to….  whether it was or not, I am not sure but we decided to try ago and set another date.

The date went really well. I really liked the guy and really felt content.

Second mistake: get over your insecurities and just shut up!

Not sure where it all came from.  This was my second date.  I had met a few guys in between but just for coffee and drinks, nothing major, nothing happened in those.  After just a few days  all these crazy thoughts came to the surface: how am I going to survive a long distance relationship? It started by a craving for affection… am a very affectionate person and maybe it was because it had been such a long time… I just could not see how it would work.  2hrs distance between us. I was not afraid of driving.  After all, I did that for many years by having to pick my step-children every single weekend and visiting the family every week…Our jobs: I was working Monday-Friday, off on public holidays, he was a shift worker so that mean he could be working 10 days in a row then have a few days off… not always on weekend… so might have been spending most of my long weekend on my own…  he had 50% care of his child so that meant in his time off he had to allocate time with his kid… so where would I fit??

Third mistake: honesty is good and I pride myself in being a honest person, but sometimes, maybe wait a bit longer before saying anything… don’t rush, wait and see how things are going…

And not being one who will hide how I feel I told him all of the above….

And had to agree with me!!!!!!! 

And that was the end of the date.

 

I had no intention of coming to Australia.  In fact, all I knew of Australia was Skippy the kangaroo…  When I went on a date with my ex-husband who told me he was living in Australia, the only thing that impressed me was the fact he might be speaking English better than me lol  My plan was to save money to go back to London and then go to California.  That was my goal.

When my ex-husband – boyfriend at the time – called me from Australia and ask me to join him there… forget about the nice apartment that we were so lucky to live in overlooking the sea in Nice… forget about the brand new furniture… I hang up the phone, called a friend: “I am going to Australia, I need to sell everything to pay for the ticket….” booked my ticket, applied for my visa and within 3 weeks I was in Australia! I did not to think about it twice, I just did it, all in the name of love of course… but I was quite pissed off at what I had just done with that guy.

But in the end, everything happens for a reason… just got to figure out that reason…

Prisqua

About the author

Coffee in the mornings is a must! I hunt and shoot aliens as therapy a few hours every day. Work sometimes demands that I tweet, Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram. I never leave home without my 5 inch stilettos, iPhone and of course a possible good story.

  • Cutaritza, have you read about narcissistic personality disorder? Good thing you’re out, but reading about that might clarify some things for you, why you were so hooked and how he kept you there and why you allowed him to do that to you. It was only a short story you wrote, but it sounded like something I’ve heard so many times before.

    Prisqua, I’m glad I found your blog, I think I’ll be coming back for more… 🙂

    Reply

  • I’m loving your blog Prisqua! It’s so genuine and real. Even more, I can really relate after having gone through a similar situation with my ex, and later moving to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico to be with my current fiance. Going on 4 years with Jay and 3 years with Mexico, we are now living in Cabo San Lucas and I can’t believe how easily I gave up those beautiful apartments in New York and Princeton, grad school, and nearly everything I owned which I mostly donated to charity. All of a sudden, I look back and wonder, “how did I end up living HERE?” Luckily, I have a wonderful man to share it all with and I wish you the same! Best of luck and remember to never settle- women deserve to be treated well… always.

    Reply

  • Well I spent an year and 10 months with the guy, even if after 6 month or less he changed into the a not so nice guy. But I was so blinded by the fairy tale of the first love, first man into my life, that I didn’t realized the change. If we had a fight he would blame it on me, he called me stupid, idiot at first he was joking like when you call someone silly, but after a wile he started to be serious about it. He never told me he loved me, he used to say that it’s obvious he doesn’t have to say the words. I loved his mother and sister and even if they always had my back they were another reason for me to stay. If we went out with his friend I wasn’t allowed to drink more than 2 beers, and if I was having fun and laugh or speak to loud he would get mad and make signs under the table to calm me down. He criticized me in every way and every day. He was upset if I wanted to go out with my friends and because I was like a puppy wanting to please the master I lost all my friends. He started to blame me that I didn’t do the dishes THE INSTANT I finished eating, that I didn’t watered HIS flowers every 2 days(I don’t like plants especially that many), why I didn’t change the water of HIS fishes, etc. He was 27 years old, I was 18, stupid but 18. The last 8 months of relationship I was crying once a week or more because of him. I begin to have panic attacks at school because of the low self esteem he put me trough. I considered my self to be ugly, stupid and that I should be grateful to him because I would never find anyone else who will like me. The first boy that told me I’m beautiful and smart made me realized that I had to dump him. I wanted to get married, in my head I thought that will solve everything, luckily I opened my eyes and saw the real sad life I was having and run as fast as I could. We were from different cities and I had all my close at him, when I went back to take them he wanted me to give him a second chance, and I tried but when he tried to show me that he changed he was exactly the same trying to make me think that it’s all my fault, that he is good and kind but it’s something wrong with me, but it didn’t worked that time and I left.

    Reply

  • I think you’re addicted to love. Maybe you didn’t had so much of love when you were little or maybe you were so loved that now u don’t know how to live without it, it works both ways. I know I am addicted to those around me and in my past relationship I stayed with the guy more than I should have (there is a whole story I don’t want to trouble you with).
    I think you just had bad luck in finding guys, the thing is you deserve the best, you seem like a wonderful woman to be with.

    Best wishes,
    A girl who likes reading you

    Reply

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